A Lot
by Cassandra Cassidy
Summary: My entry to the Valentine's Day challenge on jak fanfics at LJ. Pairing of choice: one sided Vin.Ashelin. Kind of unconventional, but hopefully it worked. Vin reflects on the girl that he L.words.


_Author's Notes: My entry for the Valentine's Day challenge at the jak(underscore)fanfics LJ community._

_This is set sort of mid-Jak II (after Jak fights Praxis the first time, but before he races Erol). I picked Vin/Ashelin for the challenge pairing because Vin wasn't on the list anywhere, and the first person that popped into my head to pair him with was Ashelin… don't ask me why, because I don't even know. _XD;

_Unfortunately (or perhaps it turned out to be a good thing), I ended up having to make it one-sided because I was getting all kinds of vibes from Vin's end, and nothing but static on Ashelin's. Hopefully it's still within the bounds of the challenge. _:)

_Vin stutters so much in this for various reasons, but mostly because A. I've never written him before, and B. because I don't know how else to get across that he's talking a mile a minute withouttypinglikethis and nobody wants to read that. _XD

_Disclaimer: The Jak universe and everything that entails is property of Naughty Dog, Inc. Therefore, not being a member of NDI myself, it's safe to assume they're not mine._

_On with the Valentine-y goodness!_

* * *

**A Lot**

* * *

S-she should scare me. Why shouldn't she? She's got half the K-Krimzon Guard shakin' in their boots, and they LIVE the grisly stuff that I see in my head day in and day out.

But… she doesn't _threaten _me. Not like the B-Baron. Not like anyone.

Oh, sure, she calls me up out of nowhere and ups my nightmare quota for any given day, but she never comes charging in here with a g-gun pointed at me. She never threatens me with dismemberment o-or OTHER THINGS.

Really, out of everyone – Krimson Guard, Underground, or otherwise – Ashelin's… kind of the nicest to me.

She's… a n-nice girl.

Oh, I am an idiot. I can re-route the B-zone power grid from here to next Thursday (n-no really; I can!), but I'm still an idiot. A really childish idiot.

Because… I think I l-l-lo-

I _really _kinda s-sorta LIKE Ashelin. A lot.

C-can't say anything, though. No, no, no. She's way too busy with all that d-dangerous spying and shooting and subterfuge stuff to listen to m-my kooky rambling.

No time for this.

S-still… every time she radios in, I get all j-jittery – more so than usual, I mean – and… sometimes I can hear s-shooting in the background… over her voice and the static and all…

And sometimes I almost b-blurt it out, right then, that I l-lo-

…LIKE her. A lot!

Because in Haven City, any transmission, any battle, any WORD, could be your l-last, y'know?

And… I don't want either of us to d-die (no REM sleep for me tonight…), especially without telling her THAT!

But I c-can't. I can't burden her with something like THAT.

Because I'm sure she can't possibly l-lo-LIKE me (a lot) back.

For one thing, I'm quite a bit older than her, which makes it even weirder that I have these kinds of f-feelings for her, and I'm sure she's much more interested in feeling THAT way toward someone with a few more years left on his life than I must h-have. If it's not Metal Heads that finally k-kill me, it'll be all the STRESS! But I mean, who wants to be r-r-romantically involved with someone who's on his l-last leg, right? Especially not with someone who's old enough to be her f-father, although I don't think I'm QUITE as old as the B-Baron, thankyouverymuch…

That's another p-problem entirely – the B-Baron would never go for his daughter h-hooking up with a guy like me who's so low on the f-food chain. If I didn't know better, I'd say he was fixin' to get her together with that c-creep Erol, but I sure hope I'm w-wrong, for Ashelin's sake. Well, for mine t-too, I guess, but really, Ashelin and Erol? The idea makes me kinda queasy…

She's too g-good for him, I think.

But like I said, I'm pretty sure her interests lie elsewhere, most n-notably in the direction of my dear friend Torn. D-don't get me wrong! I'll be very happy for them b-both if they finally do end up together after all this crazy B-Baron-overthrowing, Metal Head-killing stuff is over and done with once and for all. Ashelin deserves to be with the one she w-wants, and Torn… he's a pretty good m-match for her. And he of all people ought to come out of this m-mess with a smile on his face.

I'll be happy for them.

Just not so much for m-myself.

BUT there's not a whole lot a t-technophile like me can do, I guess, besides sit around on-call for everyone and k-keep the shield walls up and running. Keep them up and running, so I can feel a TINY bit s-safer at night. Keep them up and running, so all the Underground has to worry about is fighting the KG within the city w-walls.

Keep them up and running, so the risk of losing Ashelin to some freak a-accident that'd be ALL MY FAULT if the walls went down… isn't as h-high.

_Beebeep._

Aaaaand there goes my comm unit. Like I said – sit around on-call.

"Vin? Come in."

Ashelin. Iwasnotjustthinkingabouther, Iwasnotjustthinkingabouther…

"What! I'm busy, busy, BUSY! Sheesh! Do you people think the shield walls maintain themselves!"

Act normal, act normal, act normal… grumpy is n-normal… No g-gunshots behind her voice… good, good, good…

"My father has issued new orders to the Krimzon Guard patrol units to widen our search areas and start pulling double shifts. Vin… he's getting desperate. We have GOT to find Mar's tomb before one of the other patrols does. Isn't there anything else you can do? Something that ancient's got to have some kind of… I don't know, signal or SOMETHING, doesn't it?"

Me? She wants ME to try to locate something that's been off the map for who-knows-how-long by looking for a s-signal that we don't even know exists? And she wants me to do it under the KGs' n-noses?

"W-well, I don't know…"

"It's got the Precursor Stone in it, for god's sake! Can't you at least track THAT!"

"C-calm down, Ashelin… I'll try, okay? I-I'll try. But I'm not making ANY promises; nobody even really knows what the Precursor Stone LOOKS like anymore, n-never mind if it has any electronic components to it… although…"

An idea's coming to me. The Precursor Stone's supposed to h-have unprecedented amounts of eco stored inside it… if I can somehow lock in on THAT… but the Stone itself, being its c-container, might also act as a sort of cloaking device; they WERE trying to hide it, after all… but it's worth a try…

"I have a plan, but it's g-gonna take me some time…"

"Get on it."

Wince. L-like I said, she really _should _scare me.

I can practically h-hear her hand moving to hit the button to end the transmission.

"Um, uh, er…"

"What is it, Vin? I can't talk forever; I'm being watched."

Sayitnow, sayitnow, sayitnow or I might n-never get a chance…

"Eh heh… um… I… well, I… y'see… er… Ashelin?"

"_What_, Vin?"

"Yikes! I, er, um…… be c-careful, w-won't you?"

She sighs.

"I'm always careful, Vin."

"A-a-alrighty, then. I'll go l-look into finding the Precursor Stone, n-now. Bye-bye."

_Beebeep_.

See?

I'm an idiot.

And I'll probably n-never get to tell her that…

I…

l-l-lo-lov…

I _love _her.

* * *

_End Notes: Happy V-day (a couple days early), everyone! Please drop me a review and lemme know what you thought of it._


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